The Unauthorized Biography of Rosco P. Coltrane

When it's my moment in the sun, I won't forget that I am blessed, but every hero walks alone, thinking of more things to confess

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Location: Owensboro, Kentucky, United States


Saturday, February 12, 2005

Saturday, The 12th, Fourth day of Lent

I met a really cool woman last weekend. It was at a friend's house, at a party. I wanted to ask her out, I don't know, maybe to dinner. Or a play, I haven't seen a play in years. Or to coffee or whatever. But I didn't. I told myself it wasn't the right time. It never seems to be the right time for me. I don't have much nerve lately. Especially when it comes to dating. It's not that I am bad with women, quite the opposite in fact. I can flirt with the best of them. It's not that I am afraid of commitment. I have never been one to shun responsibility. It's just I haven't had much self confidence lately. The last woman that I really cared about was truly amazing. I was ready to commit to her, I was ready to even move if I had to. I wrote poems about her. I even wrote a song about her. She hurt me in ways that I cannot even begin to describe. She tore my heart out like an ancient Aztec ritual and stomped that sucker flat as a pancake.

I guess that has been the cause of my lack of self confidence when it comes to women lately. And I wonder if giving up my pride for Lent will also do something for my self-confidence. It begs the question is one's self-confidence tied with one's pride. I don't know. How can one love another when it is up in the air if they really love themselves? Will humility create something inside of me that will boost my self confidence? Again, I don't know. But I am trying to work on it. I really am.

And the reason is this.

All I know is I met an attractive woman that is around my age. And she has a great laugh. I love a woman's laugh, to me that is the most addictive and most attractive part of a woman. That's what I miss the most about a relationship. That laugh that can make a bad day good. Those stares that don't need words to show attraction or to tell me when to shut up. Which is probably right about now.


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9:35 PM  

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