The Unauthorized Biography of Rosco P. Coltrane

When it's my moment in the sun, I won't forget that I am blessed, but every hero walks alone, thinking of more things to confess

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Location: Owensboro, Kentucky, United States


Monday, March 28, 2005

John Pelphrey--Computer Analyst, Singer/Songwriter, and Tractor Operator

Resides--Research Triangle, North Carolina
Known Since--1992

I was on the phone with John this past weekend for probably 2 hours. I called him while I was watching the NCAA Tournament games, asking him if he was watching the game, and if he wasn't, I would ask him why he wasn't. The only problem was the fact that for some reason the game in his area was about 3 seconds or so behind the game that I was watching in Arkansas. Our entire conversations usually consisted of us say, "wow" then he would say "wow" three seconds later and then we would complain about the fact that no one can hit a free throw these days.John has been my best friend since 1992.

We were in Mrs. Church's English class together. John and I went to Grayson County in his old blue Chevy Cavalier, listening to G'N'R on his tape deck and wondering which would happen first: the floorboard fall out underneath of our feet or the engine explode somewhere on the Western Ky. Parkway. The exploits of that night includ trying unsucessfully to sneak a pair of bass drums in a hot little gym, flipping off a Baptist Minister who also happened to be John's Baptist Minister father's boss, and almost getting into a fight with a mascot.

We have done many other things. There are many stories. But stories that probably should not be mentioned here, but rather laughed about during a beer or two.

He is a very lucky man and is now married to a wonderful woman with a sweet Carolina accent named Kelly, who, speaking of beer, bought me my first beer at a James Taylor concert. They sit me down whenever I see them, and we talk about life and art and how I need be more of a jerk to get a woman and more and more about grown-up stuff.

He is the guy who never calls me, who never remembers any birthdays. But he is the guy who I can always count on. He is they guy I can call for advice, for a laugh, or for someone to just tell me to get my shit together. He is the guy who wrote me a note that I kept in my wallet until last week when I accidentally washed my wallet in my pants. He is they guy that will be standing up at the church if I ever get married. He is they guy that I wrote to the first time I tried drugs. He is the guy who I don't get to see enough of anymore. He is the guy who I try to arrange travel plans so I can at least see him once a year. He is my best friend.


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