The Unauthorized Biography of Rosco P. Coltrane

When it's my moment in the sun, I won't forget that I am blessed, but every hero walks alone, thinking of more things to confess

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Location: Owensboro, Kentucky, United States

One Word: UNSTOPPABLE AWESOMENESS!!!

Tuesday, April 12, 2005

2,4,6,8, Who Do We Appreciate?

I went to Cici's Pizza last night. I always forget that I tell myself I am never going there again. It's like crack I guess. As much cheap pizza and sweet tea as you can stand. That and a bunch of kids running around screaming. I don't understand what they put in the air conditioning at Cici's that makes small children scream like they are having digits ripped off. Then that girl that makes the little balloon animals comes over and tries to give them a red wiener dog balloon, which can somehow get an extra 25 decibels out of a child's mouth.

Last night, fortunately, the place was packed and no balloon animals in sight.

But there was a soccer team there. Still sweaty and in shinguards. There was one kid in front of me, he was getting a drink. I was just waiting to get some ice. This kid put about half a Dr. Pepper in his glass. Then he added some Coca-Cola. Then a finger or two of Mt. Dew. Then a splash of Root Beer. He was beaming.

We used to call them "Suicides" though I don't really know why they were called them. But I remember after every Little League game, that was the cool thing to get. Everyone always got a drink and a hot dog that they had not sold. Everyone had their own mixtures. Usually one of the kids whose mom or dad was working the concession stand would go back there and mix drinks. Taking orders like an elementary school Tom Cruise in Cocktail. Throwing ice in cups while eating a Bonker (Which by the way, Bonkers was such a great candy, I wish it was still around) or a Skittle thrown through the air. It was a position of power. It was a position that was cool.

But the thing I remember most about "Suicides" is that they tasted horrible. I never understood why anyone would drink them. Except for the fact that it was cool to order them. Why anyone would waste a perfectly good Dr. Pepper is beyond me. Dr. Pepper is God's nectar. Why would you want to put Mt. Dew and Root Beer in it? Why is it still cool? Is it because it is nasty and tastes like dirty cat urine?

I don't know. And I am sure those 8 years still drinking them don't know either.

1 Comments:

Blogger Nelson said...

Dirty cat urine? That's quite an amazing comparison!

I hated suicides, too. But, being a loser growing up (which I'm still doing), I soccumed to the manifest power of the mob and got suicides, too.

It's unfortunate that they're still popular.

7:15 PM  

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