The Unauthorized Biography of Rosco P. Coltrane

When it's my moment in the sun, I won't forget that I am blessed, but every hero walks alone, thinking of more things to confess

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Location: Owensboro, Kentucky, United States

One Word: UNSTOPPABLE AWESOMENESS!!!

Friday, April 29, 2005

How to Lose IQ Points in 25 Seconds or Less

(Let me preface this by saying: I have no problem with most people being happy and doing whatever it is that makes them happy. More power to them, but this is ridiculous. I don't understand the magnetism that people have towards this woman.)

I usually read the USA Today everyday. Yesterday was no different. I was glancing at the Purple (LIFE) page and reading about Tom Cruise hooking up with Katie Holmes, Jerry Seinfield's party for a fake author and the latest book reviews. I also noticed there was some article on Paris Hilton. I normally don't read up on Paris because, well, I just don't care. But I was really bored yesterday afternoon and read the article.

After reading it, I actually think I lost a few IQ points it was so dumb. So, in the interest of being fair, I think everyone else should lose a few IQ points too so I won't be at a decided disadvantage.

From USA Today about meeting her boyfriend who also happens to be named Paris

"Paris and I met when he was 14 and I was 16," she said, "I had this fake tattoo on my back, and he came up to me and was like, 'Is that real?' and I totally lied and said, 'Yeah.' He's like, 'That's hot,' and I'm like, 'I know.' Then he said, 'My name's Paris,' and I said, 'My name's Paris.' Then we danced all night."

I can only hope that one day I will polish my writing skills enough to write a story half as interesting as that.

Let me tell you something, if a pair of kids with the exact same name like that can't make it in this crazy, mixed-up world, then who can?

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