The Unauthorized Biography of Rosco P. Coltrane

When it's my moment in the sun, I won't forget that I am blessed, but every hero walks alone, thinking of more things to confess

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Location: Owensboro, Kentucky, United States


Tuesday, April 19, 2005

The King and I

I was sleeping soundly this weekend, taking a quick afternoon nap. I had some clothes drying in the dryer. The buzzer rang. I bolted upright off my couch. My eyes were still a bit fuzzy but I saw on the television the Burger King commercial with the really weird and scary King.

It scared the life out of me.

I started screaming at the top of my lungs."I'll cut you honkey! Fight like a man!" at my TV.

I took me a second or too, but I finally figured out what was going on...I had been napping. I was startled. I was dripping with sweat. Yes, it was all coming back to me. I was drying some clothes. I had lunch and then laid down. And then the King.

The Burger King frightens me. I really want to take a baseball bat to that fake head of his and then laugh over him writhing in pain and asking him, "Whose smiling now, huh? King Size this!" It is really weird. The King is like some sort of weird horror film villain that whips out a knife or a whopper with cheese and bludgeons people to death. They ought to ban him from TV. Especially that commercial with him and Hootie singing in a cowboy hat, it's quite chilling.

I don't, however, think it is as chilling as the fact that I seem to channel a very violent George Jefferson when I wake up from a nap.

Hopefully I won't be put in the nuthouse anytime soon.


Blogger Nelson said...

While you very well COULD end up in a psyciatric ward for your post-nap violent outbursts, I wholly agree with you on the creepiness of the King.

The first commercial BK ran with the King was the one where the guy wakes up in bed and the King is next to him, just staring at him. I feel ackward just thinking about it. Then he pops out this breakfast item and offers it to the horrified man. HOW FREAKING CREEPY!!! I'm glad others feel this way about the King, too. I was feeling very alone.

1:04 PM  
Blogger Andrew said...

I am also an avid hater of "the king". never will i dine with him or anyone else for that matter who slowly creeps up to my window to offer me a breakfast sandwich that has more calories than a well-fed elephant, medium rare. mmm... elephant

6:27 PM  

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