The Unauthorized Biography of Rosco P. Coltrane

When it's my moment in the sun, I won't forget that I am blessed, but every hero walks alone, thinking of more things to confess

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Location: Owensboro, Kentucky, United States


Tuesday, December 27, 2005

A Hallucination Free Christmas

If you didn't hear, I was sick for the holidays. (Please do not boycott my blog for the use of holidays...)

I had the flu. I was pretty much in bed for the better part of three days. I was on all kinds of over the counter drugs that warned me not to drive heavy equipment or drink alcohol while taking. (Quick question: is there any medication in which drinking alcohol is actually encouraged?) I also used these Sudafed shower tablets that helped me breathe but were so strong all my chest hair was burnt off and my toenails melted a little bit.

So I didn't get to go home for Christmas. I slept a lot, I didn't eat any food for almost three days straight, and I didn't have one strange dream or hallucination. What gives?

I kind of like it when you are sick and feel bad and taking all kinds of medications and you realize that you have spent the last five minutes talking to an imaginary fox that is living in your pantry closet. I like talking to the little angel and devil on my shoulders like in the movies.

Nothing. Stone cold sober and sleepy. I even watched every episode of Lost and no bad dreams or weird things happened to me. What gives?

When I had my wisdom teeth taken out not only did I figure out the meaning of life while being put under, I also cried like a baby because of an imaginary dog when they were walking me back outside after the surgery. A few days later and a dozen or so Loratabs later I went out with a friend to go see Romeo and Juliet. The new version. The one that is trippy without the pain pills. By the end of the movie I had a popcorn box over my head cringing behind movie seat and being totally fascinated by the stickiness of the movie theater floor.

So what's all this mean, I don't know. I just wish I would have had one of those weird dreams when I was sick. It would have made my illness a bit more interesting and I would have had that imaginary fox to talk to...


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