The Unauthorized Biography of Rosco P. Coltrane

When it's my moment in the sun, I won't forget that I am blessed, but every hero walks alone, thinking of more things to confess

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Location: Owensboro, Kentucky, United States


Wednesday, December 28, 2005

Pretty Little Pet

I have never had a pet. A lot of people tell me it is sad that I have never had a pet. People act as though my life is somehow incomplete because I have never had a pet. Some people think I just hate animals.

But it is not that I dislike animals, it is not that at all. I like animals just fine. It is just that I have never had a pet. My sister had a cat when we were kids. And once, we had a stray dog that kept coming to our house for a month or two. But it just never occurred to me to ask my parents for a dog. Sometimes, I think it would be kind of cool to have a dog, but it just seems like too much of a hassle.

If I were to get a dog, it would have to be an old lazy dog. One that was quiet and wouldn't sniff every single crouch that it came with 3 feet nose to crotch proximity.

Or maybe a cat. My friends have a cat, Ike, that enjoys running around chasing a laser light. That would kind of cool for a while. Or maybe just a peacock. How cool would that be?

I have no desire for any fish. No snakes or reptile or anything weird like that. I don't want one of those little pigs. I have never rode a horse much less cared about horses unless they hit a trifecta in "The Derby."

I guess I am just not a pet kind of guy. Does that make me a sadder human being? I don't think so. I think it just means I am the kind of person that enjoys urine stain free carpets, not spending my hard earned money on vet bills, and not picking up feces left in the yard, couch, kitchen counter, and on bedspreads.


Blogger David said...

I tried to talk you into getting a dog... I never did get an answer from you on why you wouldn't have it. This explains it some. And I think I might agree with you on most of it. I took care of Lofton's dog last week while he was in London. They're a lot of work...

11:58 PM  
Blogger Shelli said...

I think you should get a hippopotomous. Don't know why...

10:34 AM  
Blogger Sandy Mc said...


seems like the secret is to find a dog who is short enough their nose won't reach a person's crotch, LOL! Course those are the type of dogs that get wiggly and excited and wet unpredictably... about a dachshound...


2:21 PM  

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