The Unauthorized Biography of Rosco P. Coltrane

When it's my moment in the sun, I won't forget that I am blessed, but every hero walks alone, thinking of more things to confess

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Location: Owensboro, Kentucky, United States


Saturday, February 12, 2005

Saturday, The 12th, Fourth day of Lent

I met a really cool woman last weekend. It was at a friend's house, at a party. I wanted to ask her out, I don't know, maybe to dinner. Or a play, I haven't seen a play in years. Or to coffee or whatever. But I didn't. I told myself it wasn't the right time. It never seems to be the right time for me. I don't have much nerve lately. Especially when it comes to dating. It's not that I am bad with women, quite the opposite in fact. I can flirt with the best of them. It's not that I am afraid of commitment. I have never been one to shun responsibility. It's just I haven't had much self confidence lately. The last woman that I really cared about was truly amazing. I was ready to commit to her, I was ready to even move if I had to. I wrote poems about her. I even wrote a song about her. She hurt me in ways that I cannot even begin to describe. She tore my heart out like an ancient Aztec ritual and stomped that sucker flat as a pancake.

I guess that has been the cause of my lack of self confidence when it comes to women lately. And I wonder if giving up my pride for Lent will also do something for my self-confidence. It begs the question is one's self-confidence tied with one's pride. I don't know. How can one love another when it is up in the air if they really love themselves? Will humility create something inside of me that will boost my self confidence? Again, I don't know. But I am trying to work on it. I really am.

And the reason is this.

All I know is I met an attractive woman that is around my age. And she has a great laugh. I love a woman's laugh, to me that is the most addictive and most attractive part of a woman. That's what I miss the most about a relationship. That laugh that can make a bad day good. Those stares that don't need words to show attraction or to tell me when to shut up. Which is probably right about now.

Friday, February 11, 2005

Friday, The 11th, 3rd Day of Lent

I must talk to at least one coke dealer every week. They usually call towards the end of the day. They ask me if my company sells scales. I say yes and then I ask them what kind they are looking for. They always say a scale that weights in hundredths of a gram. I say, yeah we sell those. I then tell them that we don't have any here, but I can order one for them. Then they say, oh dude, you don't have any there that you could sell me today. Then I say, no we don't, which is a lie, since we do have one that I could sell them but I know what they want the scale for. That is when I ask them what they want it for, that is usually when they hang up. But today, this guy said, it was for a school project. Come on. Don't insult my intelligence. I may not be the smartest man in the world, but I know no one needs to buy a 500 dollar scale at 4:30 on a Friday. How pathetic.

Thursday, February 10, 2005

Thursday, the 10th, 2nd Day of Lent

I had a lucid dream last night. In case you don't know what a lucid dream is, it is a dream that one can consciously control instead of being controlled by the subconscious. I must admit I have never had a lucid dream, nor had I ever really believed in lucid dreaming before. But this is so weird. I didn't dream of scoring touchdowns. I didn't dream of being famous and driving really nice cars. I didn't dream of going back in time and growing up in what now seem to be simpler times. I didn't even dream of women, no there was no debauchery in my lucid dream. No, I decided that I wanted to sleep in my dream. I was so tired that my dream could have been anything, there was a Genie that told me so. But my only wish was to sleep. Weird huh? I figure in a few weeks, when I am jonesing for a Dr. Pepper, I will probably having a lucid dream of swimming in a pool of Dr. Pepper. Maybe those hot Latin women that sing in the Dr. Pepper song from the commercial will be in my lucid dream too. And then after swimming we will jump in a hot tub filled with Dr. Pepper. Wouldn't that be fun? That and not a Mr. Pibb in sight.

Wednesday, February 09, 2005

Ash Wednesday ,The 9th, 1st Day of Lent

I have always enjoyed the season of Lent. It is one of the things that I wish the Protestant church would embrace more. I guess I understand why they don't embrace it. They hate anything remotely Catholic...just kidding, sort of. I think they probably reject it because it gives an appearance of showing up grace. Which, in truth, is probably why I like it. Grace is tough. It is tough for me to accept. My pride always wants to feed itself by believing there is something I can do to cleanse my soul. I know it is hogwash. But my pride wants me to believe I can somehow work and win my way into God's favor. It is my pride that only wants to bow down to grace when it is stuck in a corner and defeat seems imminent. That's why the thing that I am giving up for the Lenten season is my pride. I want to give it up and never see it again. I want to give up all inklings of stubbornness and try and keep my nose down on the ground, so I can't look down on people. I want to be humble. So I am giving up pride, that and Dr. Peppers. Both seem to fill me up with useless crap and keep me bloated and on edge. I want to give them both up for good. And hopefully, come the day after Easter, I won't be taking a big gulp of both of them.

The Ash Wednesday Project

My goal for the AWP is to do a continuous log during the Lent season of my thoughts, my dreams, my fears, my shame, my observations and my confessions from the crazy little world that I call my life. I guess you can say that I have been inspired by this book, Donald Miller's Blue Like Jazz. It is a sort of observation of life and religion and God. It is like nothing I have ever read. And hopefully, this BLOG project is like nothing I have ever written.