The Unauthorized Biography of Rosco P. Coltrane

When it's my moment in the sun, I won't forget that I am blessed, but every hero walks alone, thinking of more things to confess

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Location: Owensboro, Kentucky, United States


Saturday, March 19, 2005

Saturday the 19th, 39th day of Lent

I broke down and bought another xbox. I have been wanting one for a while, and resisting the temptation. But when I got my tax return I realized that I wanted to get one. I shopped around for a good buy and got NCAA Football 2005 too. It's something I will use, hopefully fairly sparingly. I will also have to watch myself as to not let it affect my life because it is really easy to lose track of time when playing video games.

Friday, March 18, 2005

Friday the 18th, 38th day of Lent

Here is the thing about trying to protect the Easter Bunny, when the Easter Bunny is wandering the mall waving to people, there is little that I can do to protect the Easter Bunny. There is 360 degrees of open space where crying kids hopped up on slushies from Sonic can attack from. There is 360 degrees of open space for any punk kid who thinks he is first punk kid, and coincidentally the coolest punk kid ever, to come and try and bear hug the Easter Bunny. There is 360 degrees of open space for any bastard to take a swipe at the Easter Bunny, blindsiding him into the next zip code. But yet, the Easter Bunny still wants to wander the halls of the mall, handing out coloring books to kids and waving until the Easter Bunny's arm falls off. And the worst part of it is, there is nothing I can do except stand beside the Easter Bunny and try to protect the Easter Bunny and lead the Easter Bunny back to the set to take pictures.

Today the Easter Bunny was hit three times, all by punk kids while the Easter Bunny was waving to someone and then blindsided.

Punk kids.

Thursday, March 17, 2005

Thursday the 17th, 37 day of Lent

I really wish I was back in Kentucky today. I love the first few days of March Madness. My friends back home all gather in someone's garage with a wide screen projector showing a 70 inch satellite digital view of the game. There are also four other televisions with the other games on all with their own satellite dish. When one game starts getting boring or one game starts to get interesting, someone changes the projection to a good game. There is also a playstation 2 running in the background. Everyone is sitting in those new reclining lawn chairs and eating. The food is unbelievable. All my friend's wives cook these great dishes like Hawaiian ham or bar-b-que. There might be a grill outside to cook any steaks that people bring with them. The wives usually stay in the house and talk and have fun. The kids usually running around and having fun themselves. It is a special time, I think. The men watching basketball, some drinking beer, some drinking Dr. Pepper, eating, screaming, talking, laughing and checking their brackets to see how bad they are already busted during the first day.

Being men.

After the last game, everyone gets their shorts on, the basketball shows, and heads over to the church. The games usually last until way past midnight. It's at about that time that the day full of basketball, ham, drinks, snack, desserts, and sitting around finally take it's toll. Everyone goes home and dreams of basketballs and the next morning, everyone does it again.

There is usually a cover charge of about 20 bucks or so. Everyone is more than happy to help out.

I would pay a hundred bucks or more to be there right now.

Wednesday, March 16, 2005

Wednesaday the 16th, 36th day of Lent

My father called me yesterday while it was cold and rainy. He told me that he had just gotten a call from the Bahamas. It seems he is going down there again for work. I laughed. I told him that I was happy for him, and that I thought he was a sorry bastard for calling me on a rainy and cold day in the middle of march to rub it in my face. He just laughed. Then I asked him if he needed any help.

You know, I really am happy for him. Sure I would love to be on a beach in the Bahamas between work, but if it had to be anyone else it would be my dad. He deserves it. He has worked his butt off for thirty years, more than 20 of which was by himself as a small business owner. So good for him. But I still wish he needed my help.

Tuesday, March 15, 2005

Tuesday the 15th, 35th day of Lent

Sometimes I feel like my life is one big roller coaster ride. It feels as though I am on a roller coaster full of people. But one by one they start to get off and I am stuck on this roller coaster. I struggle to get the safety harness off, but it won't budge. I try and try, but the roller coaster just starts again. I see the people down on the ground, laughing and eating cotton candy. I am going faster and faster on the roller coaster and getting thrown every which way. I want to puke but I can't even do that. I just feel that sickness in the pit of my stomach. It's awful. Here comes another loop, here comes another dip. And there is nothing I can do about it. I just scream and scream, in joy and in terror. And everytime the roller coaster stops, more people get off. No one else gets on. Until I am alone and flying and screaming.

Monday, March 14, 2005

Monday the 14th, 34th day of Lent

I was disappointed today. There is not much in this world that feels as bad as disappointment. And I am disappointed, very disappointed.

Sunday, March 13, 2005

Sunday the 13th, 33rd day of Lent

It was bitterly cold this morning. It was weird because yesterday it was so gorgeous. It seems as though the weather changes everyday. One day rainy, the next day cold, the next day beautiful, the next day cold again. I don't understand the weather, I wish I understood it more. I wish I could be like to old times who watch birds and treetops and can tell what the day is going to be like.