The Unauthorized Biography of Rosco P. Coltrane

When it's my moment in the sun, I won't forget that I am blessed, but every hero walks alone, thinking of more things to confess

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Location: Owensboro, Kentucky, United States


Monday, February 13, 2006

Peppered in the Face: The Reason Why I Don't Hunt

I don't hunt. I don't have anything against hunting. I just don't hunt. I am all for people that enjoy hunting going out with their shotguns and rifles in the woods and killing an animal. If that is what someone enjoys, I am all for it. Go ahead and have a good time. Just don't expect me to participate in said fun.

The reason why I don't hunt is very simple. I don't want to get shot in the face. Getting shot (or peppered which makes getting shot in the face supposedly not sound so bad) doesn't sound like much fun to me. Oh sure, I realize that there are many safe hunters out there that take their hunting very seriously. They take courses on safety and practice good habits. But I still don't want to be shot in the face.

I understand that the odds of getting shot in the face while hunting is pretty minimal when one hunts with orange jackets and sober. Many hunters will argue that hunting can and is safe if done properly. I understand that. But I also understand that the odds of getting shot in the face are infinitely greater hunting than say walking into Best Buy and looking at the latest DVD's and gadgets. Sure a scenario of some deranged Mac user wielding a double barrel shotgun running into Best Buy and shooting everyone in the face that doesn't bow down to a small idol of Steve Jobs is perfectly within the realm of possibility. Not in the realm of good possibility, but it is in the realm of some far off possibility. It is in the same realm of possibility that when I get home tonight Kelly Clarkson will be waiting at my door with a mariachi band to serenade me with a strange version of "Since U Been Gone." It could happen, but I am going to stop at Taco Bueno an pick up enough food to feed a pop star and three Mexicans with musical instruments just in case.

The reason why I bring all this up is Vice-president Cheney (Drew Caperton's secret mancrush) accidentally shooting a hunting buddy this weekend. It amazes me the fact that this happened. The fact that someone could be accidentally shot by the second most powerful man in the free world who had probably at least two Secret Service agents who are trained to make sure people don't get shot within ten feet of him makes me never want to go hunting. My rational is that if a situation like that can produce someone getting "peppered in the face" then I don't want to go duck hunting down in Stuttgart, Arkansas with a few friends of friends that have been drinking PBR's since 4 in the morning, if they have ever stopped at all from the night before.

Nope, I can't imagine any scenario of the euphoria of killing any animal would make me forget the pain of being shot in the face. So I will just window shop IPOD's and DVD's at Best Buy and keep an eye on the door for that crazy Mac user.


Blogger RockStar Jones said...

Thats too bad...I was going to invite you to go hunting with me this weekend. Crazy Mac User season opens this weekend, and its a two for one tagging special. and I was going to even bring the Pabst Blue Ribbon.

3:34 PM  
Blogger Drew Caperton said...

Oh, Mr. Cheney... you know, I honestly don't think he shot that guy on accident. I think the guy said something insulting to Dick and the VP had to show him who was boss. Either that or Mr. Cheney was just feeling a little too blood-thirsty that day.

9:00 AM  

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