The Unauthorized Biography of Rosco P. Coltrane

When it's my moment in the sun, I won't forget that I am blessed, but every hero walks alone, thinking of more things to confess

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Location: Owensboro, Kentucky, United States


Friday, July 28, 2006

Movies and Miscellany: An Index

Number of movies I have went to see in the three weeks: 3

Number of movies seen in the past three weeks that starred Al Gore: 1

Percentage of audience at showing of An Inconvenient Truth that I would classify as Hippies: 65

Percentage of audience at showing of An Inconvenient Truth that I would classify as Dirty, Damn Hippies: 5

Minutes before starting time I had to arrive at movie theatre to ensue a free ticket: 93

Number of OMNI Center members I tried to charm into giving me two extra tickets for my friends who were going to show up after dinner: 5

My final analysis of trying to charm hippie chicks into giving me extra tickets: My puppy dog eyes have no effect on hippie chicks

Number of times audience clapped during a pre-movie speech by our most esteemed mayor: 7

Number of times I rolled my eyes during said speech by said most esteemed mayor: 12

Definition of bad publicity during commercials before An Inconvenient Truth: GM’s commercial pimping Hummers and Escalades right before a preview of the new documentary "Who Killed The Electric Car," a film that lambastes GM for destroying every fully electric car that they produced and leased in the late 90’s.

Number of times I said, "Wow, this guy looks like Christopher Reeves," during Superman Returns: 4

The main reason why I have never gotten into Superman: I don’t understand why reporters at the Daily Planet can’t see the forest for the trees and figure out that Clark Kent is Superman.

Imagined seven-part expose that Daily Planet should publish in their newspaper: Ass From Hole In Ground

Number of words spoke by Kal Penn, the actor who played Kumar in Harold and Kumar Go To White Castle, as one of Lex Luthor’s evil henchmen: 0

Number of times I jumped during Lady In The Water: None

Number of times I thought to myself, "Wow, Ron Howard’s daughter is really pale." during Lady In The Water: 7

My favorite character in Lady In The Water: The guy that only exercised half of his body

Number of times during the Lady In The Water that I couldn’t believe all these characters were accepting this unbelievable story as true: 0

Best bumper sticker seen in Northwest Arkansas in past year: Department of Redundancy Department

Questions I asked at Maria’s Mexican restaurant in Rogers, Arkansas recently: What do you mean they don’t have margaritas here? How can you have a Mexican restaurant without margaritas?

Number of times I have seen former Surgeon General C. Everett Coop driving around Springdale, Arkansas in a Honda CRV in the past week: Once

Number of takes I made while recording myself reading a bedtime story for Reed: 1

Amount of time it took to edit said bedtime story with unnecessary censor beeps to so it sounded like I was recording a very profane bedtime story: 45 minutes

Number of laughs Justin and I had while editing said profane/censored bedtime story: 207

Website where you can listen to said profane/censored bedtime story: No where, yet. If someone knows where I can host it I most certainly will. John Nelson, are you reading this? Cause I am talking to you…


Blogger Nelson said...

I love being called out in blogs. It's like psuedo-fame.

Depending on how big the file is, I might be able to host it. If it's too big, talk to Miller...he's probably got a ton of room on his site.

And I could have told you Maria's didn't serve 'ritas. It's a shame, because they have some damn fine food.

2:05 PM  
Blogger Drew Caperton said...

check out

yeah, that's right, I'm tech-savvy.

10:50 PM  
Blogger jlo said...

Check out google video.

6:15 PM  

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