The Unauthorized Biography of Rosco P. Coltrane

When it's my moment in the sun, I won't forget that I am blessed, but every hero walks alone, thinking of more things to confess

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Location: Owensboro, Kentucky, United States

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Wednesday, August 23, 2006

Like A Virgin

Ok, seriously, can we really stop publicizing these stories about people seeing the Virgin Mary, Mother Teresa, or Jesus in any candy/sweet form. I am really getting tired of it. And for that matter, if a picture of Jesus appears in bacon grease and is sold on eBay, well that is pretty ridiculous too. Baby Jesus was recently found in a plate of grease from a George Foreman Grill.

Come on, y'all.

Seriously. Stop this stuff.

I don't want to rain on anyone's deep theological feelings on the 20th century's 2nd greatest invention, George Foreman's Lean Mean Fat Reducing Grilling Machine, but this makes every Christian around the world look like a moron. No wonder people look at Christians as lunatics, we have people basically worshipping Honeybuns.

Hey, I am looking forward to the day that the Lord comes back just as much as the next guy. But nothing in the Bible mentions his glorious return in pork form.

How come the Virgin Mary and Mother Teresa always get these food gigs? Why doesn't St. Fiarce, patron saint of taxicab drivers, ever show up in a falafel? What about Saint Barbara, patron saint of Italian firemen (BTW, there is a patron saint for both Italian and Non-Italian firefighters), why doesn't she show up in some fudge brownies?

People try to use rationale and reasoning with these people that see religious figures in food. People can argue that the picture of Jesus that everyone thinks about, well, that isn't exactly a driver's license picture. No one is really sure what he looks like. But how can you rationalize with a person that is clearly not thinking clearly.

So for the last time, anyone out there that thinks their muffin top looks like Moses or whatever else, stop. Just stop. We don't need a worldwide Rorschach Inkblot Test of religious idols to make us look like a bunch of food worshipping, crazy people.

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