The Unauthorized Biography of Rosco P. Coltrane

When it's my moment in the sun, I won't forget that I am blessed, but every hero walks alone, thinking of more things to confess

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Location: Owensboro, Kentucky, United States


Monday, August 14, 2006

PBR Me: A White Trash Index

Time it took me to create my rebel flag bling bling: 2 hours

Items used to make rebel flag bling bling: piece of stainless steel, 2 ½ foot long chain, acorn nuts, epoxy, nail polish, and 3 3/8 bolts with washers and nuts

Nail polish colors used to create the rebel flag: Seductive Red and Celestial Blue

Number of pairs of jeans cut up to create my shorts: 2

Reason for not wearing first pair: To prevent a wardrobe malfunction

Items worn out of the personal collection of Justin "Rockstar" Jones: Cowboy hat and Cowboy boots

Apology I offered to Justin when borrowing his hat and boots: Sorry, I am borrowing all your clothes to go to a white trash party

Plea used to try and persuade Justin and Shelli to come to the White Trash Party: Come on just, I am Maverick. Maverick ain’t nothin’ without Goose. You are my Goose. You gotta be my wingman.

Person that sewed the extra set of pockets on my shorts: Shelli Jones

Item of clothing that I was convinced to wear by Justin and Shelli Jones: Pants

Number of partygoers at Christina and Terra’s White Trash Party that didn’t wear pants: 1

What I had to say about said partygoer without said pants: Wow, he really sold out. I was just going to wear boxer shorts. He went for the boxer briefs. God Bless that kid.

Number of Pabst Blue Ribbon beers left in Christina and Terra’s refrigerator: 3

Best comment on my shorts: When Travis asked me if I wanted some peanuts, I told him that I was not a very big nut guy. His reply, "Those shorts seem to say otherwise."

Best song played during the dance party that was too quickly turned off: Run DMC’s Tricky

Number of fake tattoos at party: Over a dozen

Bet between Malinda Mayo and myself: I’ll run a marathon in these shorts if you run a marathon in that sweet prom dress.

Most overheard statement during the party: Is that girl really pregnant? What a great costume idea.

Number of names crossed out Erin Johnson’s arms, assumed to be former beaus: 3

Current beau on Erin Johnson’s arm, or at least name not crossed out: Tyrese

What Gennie Davis threw in my face, jokingly, when I asked her why she didn’t dress up for the white trash party: cup of water

White Trash costume concept I didn’t quite understand: Taping beer bottles to your hands

Look on Christina and Terra’s neighbor’s face when I rang the doorbell to alert them that their dome light was on in their truck: Priceless


Anonymous Anonymous said...

Okay...where's the picture Lafe?

It'll make it complete!


6:44 PM  

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