The Unauthorized Biography of Rosco P. Coltrane

When it's my moment in the sun, I won't forget that I am blessed, but every hero walks alone, thinking of more things to confess

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Location: Owensboro, Kentucky, United States


Wednesday, February 08, 2006

Easter Eggs

I am sitting here writing this little essay with tears of laughter in my eyes. I think this picture is so funny. There I am in my E.T. pajamas smiling after receiving a Mr.T doll. I loved that doll. Mr. T had these old striped gym socks pulled up to his knee and these little feathers that he wore as earrings. That is all well and good, but I love the look on my sister's face. I am serious, over the past few seconds I have switched back to that picture and I have almost fallen out of my chair laughing so hard. To me, my sister will always be that little girl. Maybe not with that tired look on her face, but I will always see Brittany from a big brother's lenses.

I am really proud of Brittany. She is living in Charleston these days. She called me a few days ago wanting this web address, but for some reason she couldn't find it. I don't know. Hopefully if she does find this picture she won't be too mad. Hopefully she will laugh at it as much as I do. Knowing her she will probably give me a call in the next few days and say, "I saw that picture you put of us on the web, and you look like such a wuss!"

Seriously, Brittany is one of my best friends in this world. No one, and absolutely mean no on, in this world can make me feel as good and laugh as much as she can.

Love you Booty!!!

Monday, February 06, 2006

That Was Me...With Hair

Many people ask me, "Lafe, what did you look like with hair."

My hair was weird. I have always said that my hair used to be proof positive that God has a sense of humor. It used to be thick, really thick. It was dark brown. One time I tried to grow a mullet, but it just grew big instead of long. And the back (where a mullet's party is supposed to be) would grow towards the back of my neck and looked like a nasty duck's ass. I also used to have thick neck hair, which was always attractive.

But then when I was about 20, I noticed my hair was getting thinner and thinner. I would get my hair cut shorter and shorter. If I tried to grow a beard to it would be red. Except for the soul patch (the hair underneath my bottom lip) would be bright blond. I was the follicle equivalent to the elephant man. One day, I decided to just go ahead and shave it off, which really upset my mother. She begged me not to shave my head, but I did anyway. But I was starting to see that the top of my head was looking monkish. No comeover here. I decided to perform a preemptive strike against male pattern baldness. At first I would just use a pair of clippers and cut my hair really short. But for the past two years I have been shaving my head with a razor. I like the smooth feeling.

This is actually one of the few pictures of me where I thought my hair looked pretty good. I had bleached it blond earlier and it had grown out a bit. I think my hair looked pretty good short with a healthy mixture of blond and brown hair. If I could somehow get a rug on top of my head, I would hope it would look a little something like this.