The Unauthorized Biography of Rosco P. Coltrane

When it's my moment in the sun, I won't forget that I am blessed, but every hero walks alone, thinking of more things to confess

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Location: Owensboro, Kentucky, United States


Monday, February 20, 2006

The Lafe Index

Every month, Harper's Magazine publishes an index of strange and interesting facts. So here is my index of the last week...

Amount of snow (in inches) outside of the average Northwest Arkansas home: 3

Number of times I slid down a hill next to a liquor store on a very slipper sled: 4

Percentage of sledding trips down liquor store hill that resulted in me busting my ass: 25

Intervals in minutes in which I must stand up because my tailbone is hurting: 7 1/2

Number of good hands I was dealt in poker on Friday night: 2

Number of times the word "gay" was said at Buffalo Wild Wings on Friday night while Winter Olympics coverage of Ice Dancing was being shown on all TV's: 7

Number of times the words "those guys are nuts" was said at Buffalo Wild Wings on Friday night while Winter Olympics coverage of Men's Skeleton was being shown on all TV's: 12

Number of times I saw a giant dog (or maybe it was a shetland pony) squatting in the middle of the road on my morning commute dropping a deuce: 1

Number of times I honked my horn at said dog (or said shetland pony): 2

Number of times said dog (or said shetland pony) turned to look at me and gave me a look that seemed to convey,"Hey, do you mind, I am trying to take a crap in the middle of the street. Could you please either wait or go around me?": 2

Number of times I watched Elizabethtown this weekend: 2

Number of times I said outloud that I need to wear a robe more often after watching characters wearing Brown Hotel robes in Elizabethtown: 5

Favorite quote from Elizabethtown: It's hotter than the hinges of hell this time of year. But we got lots of stars.

Number of times I had people over to eat this weekend: 2

Length of time between buying a pair of pajamas this weekend and owning my last pair of pajamas: 20 years

Number of "F-Bombs" Tony Stewart dropped during the Daytona 500 on free pay-per-view: 4