The Unauthorized Biography of Rosco P. Coltrane

When it's my moment in the sun, I won't forget that I am blessed, but every hero walks alone, thinking of more things to confess

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Location: Owensboro, Kentucky, United States


Thursday, August 24, 2006

Happy Birthday Mom!!!

Mom, I hope you have a wonderful birthday. Thanks for always being there with love and understanding. Thanks for handing down your sense of humor to me. Thanks for stopping at all those historical markers on family trips and teaching us a little bit of history. Thanks for being the best mom I could ever have. Everyone always tells me they have the coolest mom, but I always know they are wrong. You are the coolest mom. Have a great _9th birthday...You can fill in the blank if you want...

Wednesday, August 23, 2006

Like A Virgin

Ok, seriously, can we really stop publicizing these stories about people seeing the Virgin Mary, Mother Teresa, or Jesus in any candy/sweet form. I am really getting tired of it. And for that matter, if a picture of Jesus appears in bacon grease and is sold on eBay, well that is pretty ridiculous too. Baby Jesus was recently found in a plate of grease from a George Foreman Grill.

Come on, y'all.

Seriously. Stop this stuff.

I don't want to rain on anyone's deep theological feelings on the 20th century's 2nd greatest invention, George Foreman's Lean Mean Fat Reducing Grilling Machine, but this makes every Christian around the world look like a moron. No wonder people look at Christians as lunatics, we have people basically worshipping Honeybuns.

Hey, I am looking forward to the day that the Lord comes back just as much as the next guy. But nothing in the Bible mentions his glorious return in pork form.

How come the Virgin Mary and Mother Teresa always get these food gigs? Why doesn't St. Fiarce, patron saint of taxicab drivers, ever show up in a falafel? What about Saint Barbara, patron saint of Italian firemen (BTW, there is a patron saint for both Italian and Non-Italian firefighters), why doesn't she show up in some fudge brownies?

People try to use rationale and reasoning with these people that see religious figures in food. People can argue that the picture of Jesus that everyone thinks about, well, that isn't exactly a driver's license picture. No one is really sure what he looks like. But how can you rationalize with a person that is clearly not thinking clearly.

So for the last time, anyone out there that thinks their muffin top looks like Moses or whatever else, stop. Just stop. We don't need a worldwide Rorschach Inkblot Test of religious idols to make us look like a bunch of food worshipping, crazy people.

Tuesday, August 22, 2006

I Wanna Go Fast !!!


Dad's custom bike that I will be transporting to Utah...It was featured in Biker Magazine...

Monday, August 21, 2006

Living Deliberately

Ed was such a great TV show. Kind of like the real way life seems to be. It was quirky and funny and weird and agonizing sometimes and inspiring and had a good, hip soundtrack and was always entertaining.

Everyone I know that used to watch it, loved it. It isn't out on DVD yet. They used to have re-runs on TBS, but they don't anymore. I think it had something to do with music rights or something like that.

Anyway, I was searching and found some old clips to whet my Ed appetite. Made me want to dig out my old copy of Walden and take it out to Utah with me. Anyway, if for some reason your Tuesday (or whenever you might be reading this post) is kind of going glum, remember this clip of Ed. Remember what Thoreau had to say...

"The mass of men lead lives of quiet desperation."

"I went to the woods because I wished to live deliberately, to front only the essential facts of life, and see if I could not learn what it had to teach, and not, when I came to die, discover that I had not lived."

"Simplify, simplify"

(A little extra Ed just for a laugh or two. And I bet if old Thoreau had an electric guitar, he might have said this too...)