The Unauthorized Biography of Rosco P. Coltrane

When it's my moment in the sun, I won't forget that I am blessed, but every hero walks alone, thinking of more things to confess

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Location: Owensboro, Kentucky, United States


Tuesday, June 05, 2007

The Corrections

So, my hetero life mate, Stu has finally made it to 2005 and created a blog. And one of his first post was about an incident he calls "The Great Dumpster Fire of 2007" Here is his original text along with my corrections in italics.

"Stu?" No question mark, by damn it was an exclamation mark.


"The dumpster is on fire..." The dumpster was allegedly on fire.


"OUR DUMPSTER IS ON FREAKING FIRE!!!!" I allegedly said a word that was not "freaking." He also fails to mention the fact that he just laughed for about 2 1/2 minutes while I am allegedly freaking out.

Now you have to understand something: Lafe and I aren't normally excitable people in the morning. The understatement of the year. It takes something special (14 inch submarine with periscope) to get any kind of response from us before we head out the door. However on this morning, things were dramatically different...Allegedly.

Our story begins with me borrowing the First Security Bank "Teal Grill" for Grovefest last night. Lafe was the resident chef and used the grill to make all the food (almost ran out of food) that we enjoyed at Wilson Park. Now, fast forward to this morning as Lafe and I are waking up. I offered to help Lafe clean out the grill before returning it, but he said he'd do it by himself (really a very nice gesture in an effort to get me to work on time). Damn sleep schedule. So I jumped in the shower while Lafe went outside to dump the coals from the night before, and by the time I was out, we had a
certified bonfire in our dumpster. Allegedly, we had a tiny fire, not a certified bonfire. Poor Lafe!!!! Who would have thought that those coals would still be hot?! Seriously, coals shouldn't be hot after you lit them 15 hours before. Allegedly. Not Lafe. If ever I have wanted a digital camera, it was now. The smoke billowing out of the gigantic trash receptacle was enough to make you think there was a controlled forest burn somewhere nearby. So we spent the next 15 minutes running pitchers of water from our apartment to the dumpster in a losing effort to control the blaze. Actually, and allegedly, I yelled at Stu to "get his ass out here and help me put out this damn fire. Our downstairs neighbor even pitched in, but to no avail. Our downstairs neighbor actually walked up the stairs as I was leaving for work and said, "Hey, man, you allegedly set the dumpster on fire." The fire department showed up and one of the guys greeted us with, "Thanks for the help, but I think we can handle it from here." So the firemen doused our blaze and the fire marshall took down all of Lafe's information (And when Stu says that I gave them my information I told them that my name was Justin Dale Jones.) while the Cliffs apartment complex wreaked of burning trash. Nothing like a good old fashioned trash fire, allegedly. The smoke was enough to make one think there was actually a thick blanket of fog on this early morning. My jeep still smells....

"I always wondered how we were gonna get evicted from our apartment."
-Lafe Benson

Okay, I said that.


Blogger Stu said...

I must say, I do like your revisions. I still laugh uncontrollably at the thought of the whole scene. Oh, and I think I laughed more around 3 minutes: not 2 and a half.

4:24 PM  
Blogger RockStar Jones said...

That is a good fake alias name. I usually end up using Bob Micheals or sometimes when I am all sauced up I give Bob Balaban. I should start using J. L. Benson has a good fake alias ring to it doesnt it.

8:08 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

i like being linked before your flamingo. speaking of which, it has the wrong address.

9:55 PM  

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