The Unauthorized Biography of Rosco P. Coltrane

When it's my moment in the sun, I won't forget that I am blessed, but every hero walks alone, thinking of more things to confess

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Location: Owensboro, Kentucky, United States


Tuesday, April 10, 2007

August 18, 2068

So, since John Pelphrey told me about Stumble! on Firefox, I have been using it quite a bit. Basically it is a add on to your browser that shows you websites that different people have liked or thought was interesting. Today, I stumbled on

You input certain numbers and it estimates when you will dies.

August 18, 2068 is my estimated death date.

So the 19th of August, 2068, drinks are on me!!!

Monday, April 09, 2007

Dueling John Pelphreys

This is my best friend, John Pelphrey...

This is the new head basketball coach of the University of Arkansas, John Pelphrey...

So if I ever refer to John Pelphrey and don't use words like "The Unforgettables" or "Dead-eye Three Point Shooter" then I am referring to my best friend, who is not much of a threat from behind the line. He also can be easily boxed out.

Fear And Loathing In Jefferson City

Last week, I had to go Jefferson City, Mo for business. Fun! Well, the journey up there was an interesting journey here are a few highlights.

1. In Lake Ozarks, there was a billboard for a doctor. The doctor was a woman. And the picture of her was showing a lot of cleavage. Underneath her picture was this caption: Dr. (Whatever her name was) has the prescription to make you feel really good!

2. In the same town, I saw a man driving a plain white van (white vans are always creepy) that had a bumper sticker that said: I Heart JUGS.

3. I got the last room in Jefferson City, I don't know why there were so many people in town, and it was at the Motel 6. Ok, so they Motel 6 didn't have any nice amenities like Wi-Fi or towels that were any bigger than a washcloth. But what they did were very nice plywood walls and fiberglass laying in front of my doorway. Evidently they were doing a bit of remodeling.

4. Right outside of Lake Ozarks there was a strip club (Wow, this sounds like I went on such a shady trip but it was really quite boring) called Earth Angelz (why the Z at the end, because it is classy!) that looked exactly like the nightclub in Porky's.

5. By far the creepiest thing was what happened at Hastings. I was going to get a magazine or some papers to read since there was no Wi-Fi at the lovely Motel 6 (They actually did keep the light on for me). Well, I walked in and this guy came up and told me that I had left my lights on. Of course, I didn't. They just had a time delay like every new vehicle does now. Well, I had already read the Esquire, the Sports Illustrated was old, and The New Yorker didn't catch my interest. So as I was walking out the guy that told me about my lights followed me out.

He said, "You are from Arkansas?"


"You are a long way from home aren't you."

"Yup," I said as I was unlocking my door. He just stared at me. I got in, turn my truck on and was leaving and this guy just kept staring at me. I peeled out of the lot and he started out as well. I called Jen and told her that some guy was stalking me and probably wanted to kill me and wear my skin around his basement like on Silence of the Lambs.

No fava beans for me, thanks...