The Unauthorized Biography of Rosco P. Coltrane

When it's my moment in the sun, I won't forget that I am blessed, but every hero walks alone, thinking of more things to confess

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Location: Owensboro, Kentucky, United States


Thursday, December 13, 2007

Now I know all the wrong turns, the stumbles and falls brought me here

My love's new ring.

I was sitting at my computer, trying to type something. Anything. But there was really only one thing that I really had on my heart. There was only one thing I wanted to say. There was only one thing I wanted to ask. And I couldn't take it anymore.

So I opened my top drawer and pulled the ring out. I had opened that drawer and looked at the ring every morning when I woke up and every night before I went to sleep. I bought the ring last weekend. My mind has been racing thinking of perfect times and perfect ways. Who should I tell, who should I not tell. The secret was killing me.

Screw it, I said to myself.

I grabbed my coat and a package of fudge that I wanted to give Jen. The entire way over to her apartment my mind just raced. This wasn't the way I planned it. I was going to do something elaborate, but I decided that wasn't my style. Flying by the seat of my pants, now that's more my style.

So I knocked on her door. She opened the door and had already started getting ready for bed. I walked in and gave her the fudge. She could tell something was weird about me. We went over to her desk. And I just started to laugh. And laugh. I couldn't stop giggling. I told her that I was sorry because I had been keeping something from her all week. So I pulled out the ring box out of jeans and got down on one knee. I told her how much I loved her. She started to cry. And I asked her.

We called her parents then we called my parents. Then she said, "Oh yeah, the answer is yes." We changed our facebook profiles.

She said it was perfect. I tend to agree. All these grandiose ideas of proposals that I had slipped in the background, and I realized what was really important. And that was just a simple question.

With a wonderful answer...

Monday, December 10, 2007

Anybody Have A Pitching Machine I Can Borrow?

Not since I found Kige Ramsey's take on Nicole Richie having "the anorexic" have I laughed so hard at a Youtube video. I read about this in the newspaper today, and my jaw just dropped. Especially the part about the sizes. The Hammer, The Boss, The Hog and Mongo. Nice. Classy.

So as soon as I got home, I watched the video. And it was just as classy as I dreamed it to be. I mean there is a token Asian, a token hot chick for no reason whatsoever, Chris Sabo (my boyhood hero) mispronouncing testicles, and Mark Littell, who is a certified crazy sonofabitch. Seriously, the internet might have hit it's peak with this video.