The Unauthorized Biography of Rosco P. Coltrane

When it's my moment in the sun, I won't forget that I am blessed, but every hero walks alone, thinking of more things to confess

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Location: Owensboro, Kentucky, United States


Monday, March 10, 2008


As of tomorrow at 5 p.m.

I will be unemployed.

I am excited.

And since I am celebrating my marriage to Jen with two Todd Snider songs, I thought well shit, might as well celebrate quitting my job with a Todd Snider song too...

Looking For A Job...(Sorry, youtube won't let me embed this video...)

Something I Almost Forgot

As many might remember, there was an incident last last Fall that will forever be known as Stu vs. Lafe. A few weeks back, I was back at Wal-Mart Neighborhood Market, and I really needed Stu there so I could blame someone.

I had a bunch of things in my hand because I don't like to get shopping carts. Anyway, the very last thing I picked up was a 2 Liter bottle of Dr. Pepper. I was talking to my buddy on the phone. I was maxed out. Well, I was right next to the frozen food aisle and turning the corner. I dropped the 2 liter. It hits the ground and bounces up. I think, wow, that was lucky. At that split second I also remembered working for a milk company after High School and saw many a gallon jug of milk bounce and bounce and bounce.

So back to the 2 liter, it is spinning in the air like Mary Lou Retton. Spin after spin after spin. There is a random old lady walking down the aisle towards the frozen food. It finally hits the ground. BOOM goes the dynamite. The top blows off.

The Dr. Pepper skirts across the frozen food aisle like a rocket towards the biscuit section. And if you know this particular store, you will realize just how far this is. I tell my buddy I will call him back. I look around. Everyone looks at me. I look to blame Stu, but no Stu, he is inconveniently for me, is in Mexico. I hear someone say, Clean Up in the back. I spring for the self check out. I pay for my groceries, and don't go back to the store for a week.