The Unauthorized Biography of Rosco P. Coltrane

When it's my moment in the sun, I won't forget that I am blessed, but every hero walks alone, thinking of more things to confess

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Location: Owensboro, Kentucky, United States


Thursday, September 04, 2008

Somewhere, Rod Smart is Laughing

Chad Johnson has now legally changed his name to Chad Ocho Cinco. The NFL has even said that he can wear Ocho Cinco on his uniform. This, will no doubt cause a lot of Bengals fans to go out and waste 90 bucks on another jersey outlandishly bright piece of cloth. (Rolling my eyes) If there is any justice in this world, these Bengal fans will never get laid

(Which doesn't look like that much of a stretch)

and/or be stuck with a "Ocho Cinco" jersey after Chad Johnson gets traded to a CFL team for some Fieldturf and protective cup or Johnson comes down of his glue sniffing/ecstasy high and admit on ESPN that it is a "my bad."

And the man we have to thank if Rod Smart, better known as He Hate Me. His jersey is the only thing people remember about wrestling mogul Vince McMahon's amazingly bad business plan that dared to dream, "people will watch football on TV, even if it is bad football." Seriously, the only thing I remember about the XFL is He Hate Me, Dick Butkis was a coach, and that I found out in a Rhode Island bar that you can't drink ugly football pretty.


Congratulations Vince McMahon, Rod Smart, and Chad Ocho Cinco, you have set the wheels in motion for every moron (see Chris F'n Cooley) in the league to make a their team's roster look like the high score list on redneck bar's Golden Tee arcade game.

Oh yeah, and Mr. Ocho Cinco, (unfortunately, the New York Times hasn't ruled yet it is Mr. Ocho Cinco or just Mr. Cinco) thank you for perpetuating bad Spanish grammar as well. I hope that ever time you go through an airport, TSA gives you the most evasive search allowed by law.

Tuesday, September 02, 2008

Oh Sheena Easton...

So, Jen and I were driving around a bout a week ago listening to the oldies station. Sheena Easton's 9 to 5 came on and I started to laugh uncontrollably. She wondered why. I told her it was because of Eurotrip. (I know, it is a guilty pleasure movie.) She looked at me blankly. I explained to her about the joke from the movie, but it didn't work that well. So, I found a clip...

I have never been to England. But I really hope I find a bar like this. And if I ever go to France, which I am sure I won't, I want to go with these guys...