The Unauthorized Biography of Rosco P. Coltrane

When it's my moment in the sun, I won't forget that I am blessed, but every hero walks alone, thinking of more things to confess

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Location: Owensboro, Kentucky, United States


Tuesday, March 10, 2009

An Open Letter to the Two Guys On The Scooter That Cut Me Off

Hello There,

You remember me? I was driving a rather large truck. 24,000 lb to be exact. That's a lot of weight. That 106,757 Newton. Whoa. I was the big green truck that stopped at the stop sign on Hall Street. Evidently, by law, you are supposed to stop at stop signs. When I began to go again, approaching my destination, I kept a nice steady speed. As you can imagine, it is quite hard to move 24,000 lb. Well, you guys decided that you needed that you needed to pass me.

Well, you guys not only had to pass me, only a few hundred feet before I turned. But you made the outstanding decision to pass me on. On the right. In my blindspot. Then you cut me off. As I blared my horn, you did the kind thing and gave me a wave. Well the driver gave me the wave. The guy on the back, well you just held on tighter.

Now, I don't know if you know this or not, but passing on the right hand side of any vehicle is quite illegal, unless of course you are in Mexico. Mexico is what we like to call "The Land that Right of Way Forgot." But as a commercially licensed driver, I know the rules. As a scooter driver, evidently you did not.

I reached my destination after mere seconds after you guys passed me. I had to stay seated for a minute or two because I was so mad/shook. Now, I don't know where you guys were going. But I am pretty sure that wherever you went or whoever you went to see was not worth the risk of being run over by a 24,000 lb truck.

I decided to write you this letter to explain to you the seriousness of today's events.

It only takes 470lb of force to crack a skull that has a helmet protecting it. Now if we use a simple force equation (Force=Mass/Acceleration) we can calculate how much force I would have exerted on your non-helmeted heads. Comes to roughly 180,000 lb. That's almost 383 times the force it would take to crack your skull.

Now I understand all these facts and figures are quite confusing. So I decided to use my vast skills in Microsoft Paint to show you what would have happened.

So, in conclusion, good luck A-holes with your scooter.

With Warmest Regards,
Lafe Benson


Blogger Sarah said...

Those are amazing graphics.

2:41 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I agree. Thanks for a good read and a much needed laugh/smile. Hope all is well. EY

2:11 PM  

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